In the early 1950s a school in Twiverton won national renown for its expertise in the mathematics of 'positive negatives'. When one of its teachers 'found' that something had 'gone' the fleshy and non-fleshy crevices of the school's pupils would be subjected to a rigorous inspection. What those in charge of these rigorous inspections failed to realise was that the Evil Coin Stealers who wreaked such havoc in this Twiverton school soon developed an uncanny sense of when crevices were about to be inspected. They would then artfully slip the stolen coin
into the unsuspecting pockets of one of the more naive pupils in their class. And a pupil whose pockets were more naive than most was 'Tubby' Lard.
Those who were imprisoned in the Soviet Union at this time (circa.1952) and who for reasons unknown wanted to escape from their socialist paradise would endeavour to find a "cow" to accompany them on their journey. A "cow" was the name they gave to some naive unsuspecting person invited to join them on their bid for freedom. Having a "cow" in the wastes of Siberia was the smart thing to do. It meant that when those fleeing the Gulag ran out of food they could always eat their "cow."
The prefab of forty-five Woodhedge Road in which 'Tubby' Lard lived had a famously well-stocked larder. This meant that 'Tubby' fitted the "cow" mode to a cue. In a very real sense 'Tubby' Lard was wasted on our prefab estate. Here was someone who was tailor-made for the wastes of Siberia.
One day when a coin became a 'positive negative' - when it was 'found' to have 'gone' -an Evil Coin Stealer became an Evil Coin Planter and deftly placed a bright shining coin inside the snug and unsuspecting pocket of 'Tubby' Lard. This was done just seconds before the rigorous inspection of pupils' crevices took place. Minutes later the ashen-white resident of prefab number forty-five had been intimidated into making a "I am in the pay of Leon Trotsky and the British Secret Service" confession. 'Tubby' was ordered to spend the rest of the day staring at the blank neo-Siberian expanse of the creamy white classroom wall. Staring at this creamy white Siberian-like expanse was the favoured way of making pupils ponder on their misdeeds and repent their sins. In 'Tubby' Lard's case this caused even more mental turmoil. Thi was because
'Tubby' - being well meaning 'Tubby' - had next to no sins to confess. At least he was able to
console himself with the thought that - unlike his fellow-feeling 'cows' walking through the wastes of Siberia - no one was about to eat him.
In the valleys of South Wales in the 1920s it was often said that "Experience is a hard school". By the time the pupils of the school were being ushered into the hall to be given the sad news about the death of King George VI 'Tubby' had begun to recognise the wisdome of these words. As he stood to attention during the minute's silence the idetity of both the Evil Coin Stealer and the Evil Coin Planter (they were one and the same) became clear. The warning words of William Blake (1757-1827) then rang through his mind:

"When a sinister person means to be your enemy, they always start by trying to become your friend."